January 19th, 2011 by MIchelle

It’s 6:47 AM. I just got home from the night shift. Danny didn’t sleep much at all tonight. As many times as I asked him to try, he just didn’t seem comfortable or content enough to sleep. If it’s not the cuffs on his legs to prevent blood clots, it’s the spaghetti mess of IVs wrapped around his right arm. If it’s not the humidifier that makes a loud gurgling noise and attaches to his tracheostomy hole, it’s the catheter. There is so much going on, so many tubes and wires attached to him, and all of that is on top of not having a quarter of his skull in his head. Wild. I probably wouldn’t be sleeping either. Even if he does fall asleep there’s something to be done nearly every hour. Draw blood for labs, respiratory therapy, physical therapy, occupationally therapy, nuero exam, shift change. Phew, I need a break. I asked Danny if he was overwhelmed and he shook his head yes. There’s always something going on, even when he sleeps. This is all just progression though. It’s tough, but it’s necessary.

I’m off to sleep, I hope I don’t hear the ventilator in my dreams.

-Michelle

January 18th, 2011 by MIchelle

It’s 5:42 AM. The mornings are starting to come quicker now that Danny is more astir. The night shift flies by. Keeping him company is more interactive. Yesterday was a big day for Danny. He had PT and a lot of other things going on to get the ball rolling in the right direction. Ellen said it seemed to be overwhelming, as I’m sure it must have been. It’s hard to imagine being in his shoes. When he wakes up he looks around the room with glazed over eyes with a blank stare I can’t help, but wonder what he’s thinking. I know that he is registering some of the things we say to him. If you talk to him and look him in the eyes you can see emotion. Sometimes it’s in the form of tears and others a faint smile. One of our favorite reactions from Danny is the look he gives when, for example, Conor told him that I’ve been eating three donuts at the continental breakfast after our walk home (not true). It’s priceless.

Smile count today for Danny was three. Two were from the same story, but I’ll take it.

-Michelle

January 17th, 2011 by MIchelle

It’s 4:49 AM. About an hour ago, Paul let Danny wake up a bit. It was the most lively we’ve seen him yet. With the bed raised up, almost to the point of looking like a big comfy chair, Danny sat with his legs crossed. His neck was pretty stiff so he couldn’t move it around as much as he was trying to, but his eyes met with ours when we spoke to him. I showed him a hat that I made and asked him if he liked it, he nodded yes. When I took the hat off to put my other hat on I apologized for my messy hair and he shrugged his shoulders as if to say that he didn’t mind. He wrapped his right arm around me and rubbed my back. I told him I couldn’t wait to cuddle with him and he pulled me closer. While all of this was happening, Conor and Paul were in the bathroom. I was pretty much focussed on Danny the whole time, but when I realized that it had been a few minutes since Conor and Paul had closed the door, I started to wonder (there’s been a lot of talk about male nurses lately). To my surprise the door opened a minute later and Conor had shaved his head! I laughed a ton and I know that if Danny were able to laugh he would have done the same. I’m not sure that Danny realized why Conor had shaved his head, but he gave him his approval with a head nod. It’s amazing that we can communicate with him on some level now. We can ask him if he’s in pain or if he is uncomfortable. When he wanted a drink of water earlier he raised his hand to his mouth as if he were drinking something. We couldn’t give him water, but we soaked a sponge in ice water and placed it in his mouth…he didn’t like that very much. These last couple of days have been something to look forward to. Danny’s improvements seem amazing since it was only a few days ago that his eyes were still shut and the nuero exams consisted of squeezing hands and pinching his toes to get a reaction. Love you Danny, thanks for putting a smile all our faces!

-Michelle

January 16th, 2011 by MIchelle

We just had some really  good interactions with Danny. The nurse told us that he’s doing great today. Danny’s moving his eyes around and focussing much better. He’s shaking his head yes and no to questions, not regularly, but it’s a start and easier for us to communicate with him. I asked him if he wanted a foot massage and he clearly shook his head no. When Conor asked him if he wanted music he gave us a thumbs up. If you talk to him and he’s looking at you, it seems like he’s understanding what you say. We tell him what is going on, remind him where he is, and why he is here. He replied to Conor’s question, “do you remember snowboarding in Montana?” by moving his hand side to side as if to say that he kind of remembers. Every day brings something new and his progress is always encouraging.

-Michelle

January 16th, 2011 by MIchelle

It’s 5:47 AM. The night shift is almost over. David will be be here any minute now and Conor and I will pack up our backpacks, say goodbye to Danny, and walk out of room 5109. We’ll push the green exit button and the doors to the ICU will open. We’ll walk down the hall and into the elevator. Once we’re on the first floor, we will exit the Benefis Hospital and walk two blocks to the Great Falls Inn. The walk will be cold. My hair will be frosty by the time we get there. We’ll talk about Danny or something related to Danny and we’ll reach room 207 a little bit tired, but not quite ready for bed. Our conversation will continue. Our thoughts will occupy our minds until exhaustion finally takes over. Danny will still be in room 5109. He will be on and off sedation. He will go through nuero exams. He will continue to make small steps towards recovery and when Conor and I wake up we will hear all about it from Ellen and David. I will wish that I was there to witness Danny’s progress first hand, but I know that there will be many more opportunities to witness Danny’s strength and resilience in days, months, and years to come. I look forward to being there for those moments. For now, I will continue to enjoy these moments. I will find joy in Danny’s attempt to smile.

-Michelle

January 16th, 2011 by Conor

Danny is normally a pretty chill guy. Today, however, his behavior was far from chill. He’s tapping his hand up and down, moving his feet off his bed, and yawning an awful lot. He’s keeping the staff busy by repositioning himself in the bed and keeps us entertained with the new progress. I was talking to him earlier and he lifted his hand up on my shoulder. I kept talking and he started to rub/scratch my shoulder. I told him thank you for the shoulder rub and he clumsily let go and dropped his hand to his side with some of my hair in it. Ellen also got a head scratch. His eyes open more regularly and blink and he had a few tear drops which he was able to wipe off himself. Danny is movin’! The doctor said that this is regular. There is a possibility that he’ll be agitated for a while, but it’s totally normal behavior. He’s brought a lot of smiles to his room today and some good laughs with the shoulder rubs and head scratches. Keep it up Danny!!

-Michelle

January 15th, 2011 by Conor

It’s 4:18 AM. Danny’s been moving around a lot tonight. His legs are bending and his right arm is moving from his stomach up to his trache and back to his waist. He’s goes through periods of movement and resting. I can’t imagine being restrained at the wrist and not knowing what is happening. The nurse often reminds him that he is in the hospital and he had surgery. From what I’ve gathered, it is scary when you start to come off the sedation and you have no idea where you are or what is going on. He coughs every once in a while. The respiratory nurse was cleaning his mouth out and Danny let out a huge yawn. It’s good to see Danny coming to life a bit.

It was fun to have Josh here. He lightened up the mood and gave us something else to talk about. I secretly took a photo of Conor and him sharing the bed together, but I won’t post it because I think Conor would get me back way worse. I still owe you four dollars too Josh. I won’t let that slide!

-Michelle

January 15th, 2011 by Conor

Around nine o’clock tonight, Paul gave Danny his nuero test. Tonight he mixed it up a bit and asked Danny to hold up two fingers. Danny showed us the peace sign and later when we were talking about it he gave the peace sign again. The right side of his body is moving well. His left side is less responsive, but he can still give a little hand squeeze. Paul then asked Danny to shake his head yes. Danny slowly moved his head up and down. It was really really faint, but it was noticeable. Next test…the smile. After Paul’s prompt, Danny moved his cheeks in an effort to smile. The right side of his face had more action than the left and I wouldn’t consider it to be a big grin or even really much of a smile at all, but he showed effort. He hears us. We keep telling him about all of the support you guys are showing him. Keep it up…this journey for Danny is a long one.

-Michelle

January 14th, 2011 by Conor

After assessing that the ICP wiring system was in fact not giving us the correct reading, the doctor removed the catheter from Danny’s head today. He also removed the catheter which was collecting fluid, mostly blood, from his head. When you look at Danny now, he has no more tubes from his chin up. Aside from his shaved head and the two large question mark shaped scars on either side of his skull he looks more like the Danny you and I know. Ellen had some exciting news to report to us this morning. She told us that Danny had scrub down today. While Beverly was washing him up, she talked to him the whole time and gave him the soap with a manly scent. When Beverly was leaving she said, “Danny, I’m leaving now. How about a wave goodbye.” Danny’s hand raised up softly and purposefully to wave goodbye to Beverly. A minute later Beverly said goodbye once again and Danny’s hand did the same thing.

-Michelle

January 14th, 2011 by Conor

It’s 4:45 AM. Danny hasn’t gotten any paralytics since 8 in the morning. That’s the longest he’s gone without being paralyzed. The paralytic is basically a last resort. If they can’t regulate Danny’s vitals through medication and his ICP is maintaining a number higher than 20 then they would paralyze him. The paralytic also causes issues with digestion and with the lungs. Today they were able to stabilize Danny’s ICP with the use of a medication called demerol on top of the use of mannitol. They have been using mannitol to flush the fluids and swelling. Mannitol is more or less a temporary fix for the swelling. This is one more step towards recovery. When the night shift crew, Conor, Josh, and I, clocked in things got a little different. Danny’s ICP was jumping all over the place. After a call to the Doc, Nurse Paul took Danny in for a CAT scan. The bolt and wiring system required can go bad between a week to two weeks of use and cause the ICP to read inconsistently. Danny came back from the CAT scan and they had determined that was the case. Needless to say, the alarm doesn’t go off anymore when that number goes above 20 and it’s much less stressful watching that number. They will now monitor his progress through the neuro exams. The last neuro exam went well. Danny opened his eyes and blinked a few times and gave a solid thumbs up with his right hand. Between every neuro exam we wait. We wait for another chance to see Danny come to life a bit more. Time moves slowly in room 5109, but way too fast when the meds wear off. “Time is what prevents everything from happening at once.” -John Archibald Wheeler

-Michelle