January 17th, 2011 by Conor

I’ve been waiting to write something. But I didn’t know what. I knew I wanted it to count though. I’ve been reading other peoples letters and comments and they have all been so great and touching and moving, and I would sit and wonder where mine would fit in. Well it finally hit me yesterday around 2 oclock in the afternoon when I was looking in the mirror at myself crying, after just leaving the Home page of the Dannyisthebomb.com website. Now any of you that know me, probably know that I’m a bit of an emotional baby as it is. But these tears were warranted. Just that looking at that face, those eyes, and thinking of what he must look like now, and trying to imagine maybe what he’s feeling, if he’s feeling anything yet at all. It just overwhelmed me, and I can only imagine the strength Conor you must have to be displaying, to be the big brother and to be strong for your little brother as he lays there in his hospital bed, complete 180(little pun) from what you’ve been use to seeing you’re entire life.

I sit here and think to myself. What am I really feeling? Pain..? Yes. Sadness..? Yes. Confused and just really don’t know what to think or say..? Yes, yes, yes, across the board. I’m sure most of us out there across the country checking in and being a part of this, or atleast those of us who know Danny well (not trying to sound exclusive whatsoever), have had these same feelings and just overall internal unsettledness.

But that’s when it all hit me. I can’t be wasting time sitting around crying. Danny wouldn’t sit around and cry, he would be doing something, non-stop all the time. And he wouldn’t want any of us to cry if he had the choice and power. But this brings us to the point of realization that the “pain” I’m/we’re feeling is nothing compared to the reality that is soon going to hit Danny as he slowly awakens from his long long rest. Conor’s words could not be more true, and to paraphrase him “once Danny wakes up is when HIS pain and reality starts. This is not about us and never will or should be. He has never even been close to a place like this. Danny is use to flying high, being on top, and having fun. He is NOT use to not having control over his own body and situations. And he is not going to like it one bit.

So by now I’m sure it is no surprise to anyone how hard this is going to be for Danny. Knowing the athlete that Danny is and the nature of is competitiveness, he is going to have a very hard time swallowing this. But at the same time, if it’s even possible to say, there is a little bit of a blessing behind this as well. Look at what this has created. We have friends, family, and people who don’t even know Danny, from across the nation uniting together for one great cause. That is special. It’s a team that has formed, and a team that I personally feel amazed and proud to be a part of. I like to win. So does Danny. And this is a team full of winners who combined with Danny, will win once again. But we are going to have to be there the whole entire time, every inch, every step, every tear, every smile, until the process is deemed complete.

Part of it, as I said, will be good because of Danny’s drive and need for success will only help boost his progress tremendously. But part of it will be bad. Real bad in terms of what Danny sees through his eyes and thinks in his head. There are going to be days where even Danny will feel like crying, and although he may mask it with his natural toughness and charmer smile, this is when everyone absolutely needs to be there.

He is going to be in some hard, dark places. Places he’s never imagined being, never even known existed. The love from his family and friends, and everyone involved in this is what’s going to help him out, whether he likes it or not. For all of us, especially the Toumarkine family, this has seemed like a lifetime already, but please, let’s all try to remember that when Danny comes to, is when it ALL STARTS in real time. Not just for him, but for everyone. Let’s really keep our focus strong and straight, and with the help from some amazing doctors, friends, family, and Danny himself, we will all get through this together. I literally dream of the days of his laughing, and all the crazy, fun, learning times I’ve had with Danny. It can not come back soon enough. And I will be here waiting, along with hundreds of others, and I assume I can speak for all when i say we can’t wait for the comeback. Conor, you are an amazing brother and friend…you know we got this! Sending all of my love from the place where the shredding legend Danny Toumarkine started in the 603…Danny I miss you and love you so much and may God give you his strength to bring you back and bless us all.

Friend Forever, Drew Donabedian