January 12th, 2011 by Conor

It’s 4:58 AM. I’m working on my fourth hat and thinking about life. His ICP is back to normal. The nurses have found that he is pressure is the lowest in the most awkward positions. His head slightly tilted back or too far forward, it looks uncomfortable. This afternoon I was around for the cleaning of Danny’s tracheostomy. It was the first time I had seen this done. I figured by now (besides the suppository), I had seen just about everything that was routine with him. I can’t even imagine what it must feel like to be so sedated and partially paralyzed (it had been a while since he had any paralytic), but having to cough. Watching him, obviously uncomfortable, was much harder than I thought. I held his hand through the procedure and felt faint. I’ve watched him go through so much in the past week. This is hard. The reality of all this is too much to wrap my head around. Taking this one day at a time. I want Danny back.

-Michelle