January 17th, 2011 by Conor
I can honestly say I am horrible with feelings. I don’t like expressing them, and I prefer to hide my thoughts from the world. I work as hard as possible to not let anyone see how I truly feel. I know this isn’t the greatest quality, but it’s the truth. I have been trying to post my thoughts about Danny for the past week. When I first found out Danny was hurt I was in shock for a good 24 hours. Once I started understanding that something had seriously happened to my friend it hit me like a bus. Slamming into me at a speed I was not prepared for. As with every incident like this, I try my absolute best to lock it deep inside and not deal with it. Danny’s roommate and my good friend, Ian, came over after we found out and showed his equal love and support to the matter. I quickly realized this was gonna be hard to run from.
I needed something comforting, after taking Michelle to the airport, I still had friends like Will and Ian around to help keep my mind positive. We decided to make Danny a scrapbook, this scrapbook has helped the last two weeks pass. Being with the boys and working on it has only brought back amazing memories and laughs that Danny created in us. It brought so much positive energy to the situation, and helped all of us lighten our hearts.
The other morning I sent Danny his book, and it was almost difficult. I instantly needed something new to put my thoughts of Danny in a good direction. After Michelle had asked a couple times for me to write on dannyisthebomb.com I finally decided to open up and reflect on my friend Danny Toumarkine.
I can call Danny a great friend, but what Danny is to me is a big brother, a motivator, and an inspiration, someone who I want to do better for. In life you meet many people, there are people brought into your life for a reason and their energy pulls you in with force. It is so strong that they can create an inner drive in you to work harder and to be successful at whatever it is you love. You can share an equal love interest in something or have a common personality. These types of people create amazing friends. You almost don’t realize how strong they’re energy is to you, how much they are the fuel to your energy in life. Danny is an example of a person in my life that I know fuels my fire. He only wants his friends to move in a direction that motivates them to be happy. Regardless if he could relate to what it is you are passionate about, he is always supportive of any goals or aspirations his friends have.
We spent a great deal of the past few years snowboarding together. He was one of my first calls whenever I went riding to see what the plan for the day was. Just being on the mountain with him was a guaranteed good day. He would always take time out of his run to watch what I was doing, and would critique me. Tell me anything he thought wasn’t looking the greatest. In my book, there’s nothing better than this. Creating this inner drive in me when I was doing something, I was doing it as best I could to hear him tell me, “lookin good Nicki Jean.”
Becoming really close to the Toumarkine’s over the last few years, and pretty much owing a lot of my progression to the both of them. Whether it’s Conor mentally talking me through snowboarding, careers, life, whatever or Danny showing me anything I could ever wanna learn. The two of them inspired me to want to work my absolute hardest at what I loved. The past two weeks have been a struggle to even go out snowboarding. I never realized till now, how much the love and support from your friends influence you. I have never had someone so close to me have an accident like this.
I am currently flying to go to the 2nd stop of the Winter Dew Tour. I knew I had to get out on my board during the previous weeks if I was gonna have any chance of doing well at this contest. Everyday I have been on my board since the accident I let my imagination run wild, and pretend Danny is there just as any other day. I hit everything as if he is watching, waiting to hear him critique me. I am going into this contest really only riding for him. I want to put a run together that I know Danny would be proud of, something that he could be impressed with. Danny’s continuing energy is my guiding light that will not go away. I can only hope that when he gets out of this I can be a guiding light for him, as he has done for me. Giving him as much love and support that he has given me. I can’t wait for the day that I can return this to him when he needs it most.
Danny I love you very much, you are an amazing person, an amazing friend. I am here with as much support and help I could ever give. Please continue your fight through this, and come back to the Tahoe crew.